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Seniors employment program under investigation


On September 22, Garth Douglas ran his second annual senior’s employment program out on Rall’s Island. Officially COVID protocols mean that it was scaled back this year, but unofficially Douglas blames that poor attendance on “lack of ambition”. Attendees included Garry McLean, Donny Lindal, and Fred Johnson, the latter being a late sign up to the program. Noticeable absent this year were Peter Dunlop (complaining of a bad knee…conveniently coinciding with the work day planned) and Jimmy Lindal. Despite showing up for the planning meetings at McLean’s coffee room, Ken Wiens, Randy Single, Doug Taylor, Gerry Atchison, and Franz Lehmann were nowhere to be found. Douglas noted “there is going to be a full investigation, and I don’t want to hear about bad knee stories from everyone”.
Douglas, had pondered the employment program for quite some time, before he ran his inaugural event last year. Douglas, noted that he was disappointed at the late start of the hour, just after lunch, but noted he saved money by not having to supply a meal for the crew. “Show up having eaten, because I’m not feeding you!” he yelled at the boys.
When asked about his safety plan for the day, Douglas said “Safety? Some of these parts are almost 70 years old on the Case 28/46 Thresher, I can’t be responsible if it suddenly comes flying apart. All these unguarded moving parts, ought to make a guy be exceptionally aware. Besides I don’t pay compensation, so if you want safety, don’t get hurt. As for a plan, I mean somewhere inside the house is the phone book, and I can look up Hemauer’s number if I need to.”
Wasting no time, he led his work crew out to the field of oats he had previously stooked earlier. Don Lindal thinking that he was exempt from duty due to the fact he couldn’t walk without a cane didn’t stop Douglas from putting him to work. Douglas with McLean’s help braced Lindal on the back hitch of the tractor with a ratchet strap. Lindal then grabbed a hold of Douglas like Leo did to Kate in Titanic yelling out “I’m King of the World” as they drove away.
The first load was completed with Lindal driving in high gear much to the dismay of McLean who was loading up from the trailer deck. “Tell that damn Icelander to slow down!”, yelled McLean at the two other employment program attendees.
Back in the yard, with the first load through the thresher, Fred Johnson took the opportunity to make a mad dash for one of the three “Mr. Big” chocolate bars that lay offered. Noting the lean offerings of water and refreshments, Douglas retorted “Why would I give these guys anything? It was bad enough last year when they brought in half loads, this year I’m thinking of cutting their wages to a quarter. Besides a case of water is an expense. I’m going to have to take it out of their wages”
Asked what he thought of this year’s participants of the senior’s employment program, “these young guys they want it all to be easy. I’m not surprised by the lack of effort or attendance. I know those big talkers down at the Dairy Queen coffee klatch have a lot to answer for. Ever since that damn Trudeau started giving everyone CERB no one wants to work. I think I might have to kick in the door of Valhalla next year and drag out some of those layabouts. I could even open it up to more Employment Equity and have the women out here as well. I mean how many Ukrainian widows do we have in town? They should be paying me to be part of the fun.” With the ten-minute break over, Douglas exclaims “well I better get these guys back to work, they are just wandering around aimlessly now. Next thing you know they’ll be complaining about needing heart medication.”